Above and Beyond
Extra-Curricular Best Man duties that you weren't told about!
There are many areas of the Best Man role that you may find come as naturally to
you as tap-dancing does to Stephen Hawking, and others that you'll grab very
firmly with both hands. There follows a selection of those responsibilities
that, although you won't find written down in any wedding brochure, will
nonetheless score you extra points in the eyes of your peers:
Sobering Up the Groom
Ten cups of Nescafe Gold Blend later, those pissholes in the snow that
masqueraded as eyes an hour ago are now showing some form of pulsating,
terrified life. It's a start at least, though you make a mental note not to
allow any close-up photographs for the time being!
Why not have a look at our stag night special offers. They could save you a fortune!
Stopping Him From Escaping
His first panic attack happened before the cab had even left his own street, so
you knew at that point it would be a wise move to ask the driver to put the
child-proof locks on. Another job well done!
Booking the Stripper
A massive dose of lifelong respect and appreciation will be on its way to you
from all those stag guests who were suddenly forced to re-think their notions
on ping-pong balls and basic anatomy several weeks before the wedding. A bad
stripper, i.e. a miserable cow who is clearly only there to put in the bare
(sorry) minimum and pick up her wedge, reflects negatively on you. A really
good stripper, i.e. a girl really enjoying what she's doing and hitting that
balance between the erotic and the hilarious, will make you look bloody great!
Working Code of Silence
Just to be on the safe side, you need to establish an effective way of keeping
all things secret that should stay secret - mainly from the stag weekend of
course - in the interests of pointless tittle-tattle and irritating killjoys.
There's often one bloke in every stag group who can't wait to spill any
supposed beans, but a little pep-talk with all and sundry whilst you're away,
as well as a gentle reminder when all the lads meet up again at the pre-wedding
night before drink, should give you another point towards success for all.
Bagging A Bridesmaid
With the speeches done, the responsibilities realised and the alcohol going down
quicker than Robert Maxwell at high tide, the last remaining twist of glory is
to hit on that cracker of a bridesmaid who you spotted adjusting her dress
about 5 hours ago, but were forced at the time - through duty - to put to the
back of your mind. She's also "quite merry", which certainly doesn't harm your
chances at all, and you suddenly sense that you have managed to pull off
(steady on now!) a major success in carrying out your Best Man duties.. and
then some. Since you've spent so much time attending to the concerns, nerves,
fears and hopes of the two people slow-dancing ten feet away from you, isn't it
time to complete affairs with a touch of personal, much-deserved satisfaction?
Who knows, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship...