The Best Man...An Introduction
The origins of the modern day best man do not make pleasant reading for
feminists.
History
When our European forefathers suddenly decided that they'd had enough of looking
at women in their own backyard ("her arse is too big", "my brother's had her",
"she's got no teeth left", etc) and hit upon the idea of raiding the
neighbouring village for more alluring totty, the realisation that this
burglary couldn't be achieved single-handed prompted that first randy barbarian
to seek safety in numbers before he tooled himself up and went over the hill in
search of foreign delights. Who else did the single-minded groom turn to as his
chief henchman and partner-in-crime, but the baddest brother in the village,
the man most likely to help him snaffle a new squeeze. In short, the hardest
candidate on the Gothic block... The Best Man for the job!
Did you know: We arrange stag weekends in over 50 locations in the UK and abroad.
Not content with plucking his unsuspecting bride from her ambushed brethren and
kicking a few of her family in the plums along the way, our pioneering ancestor
bought extra insurance with his Best Man by effectively placing him on guard
during the resultant wedding ceremony. The hulking gatekeeper would remain on
watch throughout the day, and usually during the first night too, so that any
bruised, vengeful members of the female's prior flock would not succeed in
reclaiming their (by now) massively confused and terrified daughter.
Modern-Times
Thankfully for all concerned, this prestigious and pivotal role now involves
slaying the in-laws with cringeworthy anecdotes as opposed to blunt swords.
More about toasting the bride and less about roasting the bride's father. With
more refined duties, however, comes greater responsbility, and in turn a much
healthier chance to make a complete pig's breakfast of proceedings, alienating
all who know you and sullying your social standing forever...! To safeguard
against this, LNOF presents a Guide To The Best Man - a comprehensive look at
how to turn a stressful honour into a piece of (wedding) cake.
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