The Ceremony - Role & Responsibilities
What the best man should be doing just before, during and after the ceremony -
apart from crapping himself about the speech!
As your eyes open around 7am, you're first, bowel-loosening thoughts of the day
will be about the speech, sure. But don't forget about the other important
duties that round out your big role...
The Real Lord Of The Rings
It may not seem on the scale of protecting Frodo against the dark forces of the
earth, but any former Best Man will tell you that this relatively simple task
can cause the occasional nightmare or two in the weeks preceeding The Big Day.
Forgetting, misplacing or losing the wedding bands is extremely rare, but not
unheard of, and you can only imagine the living joke that you would become if
you managed to delay the entire congregation - and subsequent reception -
whilst you rummaged through your flat on hands and knees, upturning sugar
bowls, emptying wardbrobes, sweating your entire body weight and intermittently
pleading with God to end your unholy mess then and there with a
vastly-preferrable heart-attack. And all the while some fat cabbie is sat
outside your house, his meter and motor running as he gets all his bottled-up
laughter out the way before you resume the journey and seek impossible
absolution for dropping the ultimate bollock. Keep 'em safe and keep 'em near.
It's one less thing to worry about .
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Keep The Groom From Gloom
Until he is safely married off and entrusted to Mrs Groom forever, you are the
rock on which he can, and will, lean. It is impossible to gauge how nervous or
overwhelmed the main man will be on the morning of the wedding, regardless of
how long you've known him. For some it is their finest hour, a calmness washing
over them that few scarcely expected - but for 99% that isn't the case, the
hours leading up to the church service being a mix of severe hand-trembling,
adrenaline rushes, dry-mouthed terror and mild nausea. All of this is
interspersed with the absolute knowledge that his head is going to come off at
the hinges before too long, plus he's likely to ask you everything from "Can't
I just get plastered?" to "Do you fancy running off to hide in a Tibetan
Monastery for 6 months until things blow over?" You are his counsellor, his
sartorial advisor, his confidante, his motivator, his focus and his friend. You
will be the one who makes sure he gets to the church on time, the one who keeps
reassuring him over the speech that he's had written for 9 months (but is now
declaring needs re-writing on the way to the service) and, perhaps most
integral of all, the one who is there to help him enjoy the day, see past the
terrifying tradition and solemnity of what he is about to do and seize the
moment. He will be forever grateful for all these things, but perhaps that last
one most of all. He's been a good mate, so how could you let him down when he
needs you most? (Plus, your heroics will impress the bridesmaids too! But
that's another story...)
The House Of Ushers
You are in charge of whichever trusted souls the groom has selected as ushers
for the day. There are usually 3 or 4 of them and their primary purposes
revolve around handing out the order of service, instructing which side of the
church guests are to sit on, escorting the bride's mother to her pew and
comparing the size of their respective button-holes ("How come yours is bigger
than mine then?...Bride's family to the left please...You mean you're her
mother? I could have sworn you were her sister!" and so on). You need to keep
these guys smart, resepectable and in good spirits. Though not too much of the
spirits too early, of course. The ushers can act as your own sounding board in
moments when you're groom-counselling duties are being covered by other close
relatives. It is, after all, a big occasion for you too and these guys are your
musketeers of mirth to see you through the tension!
»» Ok, its the worst (or best) bit - The Best Man Speech