The Groom Guide to pre-wedding duties
Our guide to helping the groom plan those pre-ceremonial duties and
responsibilities to maximum effect. We hope.
In the build-up to the big day, you will occasionally find yourself turning down
evenings with the boys for the most horrifically dull reasons. You will chuckle
to yourself as you hear appalling phrases coming from your mouth, such as
"Sorry lads, can't make the England game. Got to meet the vicar." or "If me and
Diane haven't finished with the caterer by 8, just presume I'm not coming."
Your friends will take the piss, of course. And so they should. But most of them
will bite on a similarly unavoidable bullet at some stage, so ignore them. If
you can come through the mild obsessiveness of these pre-wedded months with
your love for each other still intact, you can safely go into the marriage
knowing that you've already passed one massive test!
Every wedding day will vary in the amount of detail and input, and there is no
doubt that your bride-to-be will happily oversee many important tasks without
ever requesting more than minimum input from you, but there are a few areas
universal to the male half of the union, and for these you'll have to keep a
clear head, addressing each of them early enough so as to minimise the stress
factor when the final countdown comes around:
If you are looking for a stag night to remember, get your best man to call us!
Choosing Your Best Man
Arguably the ONLY major task that a groom is solely responsible for in the
wedding process, and for which a good decision is critical. There's no easier
way to rub the new Mrs' family up the wrong way than by picking your oldest but
dodgiest mate, Barry The Greek. The Best Man is a reflection of your judgement,
your background and your character, so picking the bloke that makes you laugh
the most is fine, as long as he is also able to tick all the other boxes
integral to the role Best Man Guide.
It's increasingly common now for the bloke to pick more than one Best Man,
however the most likely scenario is still a newly-engaged fella struggling to
decide between 2 or 3 candidates, each worthy of consideration for
wildly-varying reasons. How hurt will Dougie be? Will this final rejection
drive Stan back to the Vladivar? And should Rupert really lose out on the job
simply because he's ballooned to 22 stone and sweats rivers every time he has
to speak in public???
If you know who it's going to be instantly, then great. You're lucky. And that's
one less thing to occupy your mind in the period between gondola proposal and
lifting the veil. One more thing - Don't drag the decision process out longer
than you have to. This isn't the Olympic Committee deciding on the next venue,
nor is it the choice on who is to be the next Pope. Make your mind up quickly,
lest you risk pissing off both the successful AND the unsuccessful!
The Guest List
The potential minefield that every couple approach with a nervous exchange of
glances. It's probably easier to restore long-lasting peace in the middle east
than it is to put together a guest list without upsetting at least a dozen
people, who you've been unable - for very good reasons - to fit into the
available framework of your ceremonial plans.
The key is to avoid conflict between bride and groom, no matter what the cost
and no matter how great the temptation. The last thing you want, only 6 weeks
after your brilliantly-conceived and successful proposal, is to have the love
of your life screaming blue murder at you as you refuse to swap your Uncle
Keith's best mate for her former piano teacher. It just isn't worth it..
You'll both have to compromise, and you know that before you even start. As long
as you DO both compromise, the pain of leaving out a longtime work friend here
or there will be a lot easier to bare, as well as being a lot more plausible to
explain when those that haven't made the cut find out. For total cowards, on
the other hand, you can always draw straws, send one massive email.. and take
the phone off the hook for a fortnight as the brown stuff hits the rotating
blade!
The Wedding List
This is the bit where you get to make sure that your new married home is well
stocked with toasters, oven mitts and George Foreman grills, though wounded
whispers like "Did you see their gift list? Bloody cheek...", are always a
threat if you over-state the monetary value of people's marital well-wishing.
You want a polite, open invitation that makes reference to an on-line list of
reasonably-priced presents, if possible. This list should allow for the kind of
things that you both sort-of need in your home.. but can't really be arsed to
go out and buy yourself.
Don't put too big a variation in expense for items on this list, as those who
buy last will rightly be peeved at having to cough up five times what Karl
& Yvonne did when they compare notes at the reception.
Of course, you could avoid this altogether and ask for vouchers to your
favourite store. This allows you total choice in how to spend them, whilst
avoiding those potential social blunders that can come back to haunt you if a
present list is ignored.
What do you do, for example, if your new wife's great aunt elects to bypass the
list and present you with a hideous painting of a dog and a scarecrow? She's
bound to "drop by" six weeks after the wedding, and you know damn well what
she'll be looking for when she arrives. With vouchers, you can buy yourselves a
proper painting on behalf of her, and genuinely thank her for its purchase as
she sits munching on an eclair in between a balanced critique of your (edited)
honeymoon photos. Then again, she could ignore the request for vouchers too!
Dressing The Part
This is the most hassle-free part of the wedding build-up for most - Choosing
the suits. Depending on your level of interest in sartorial matters, selecting
the threads for the main event is an important yet enjoyable task, and one that
requires little pressure or time.
Don't leave it until the last minute, and don't neglect the importance of
getting the colours of the Best Man and Ushers to compliment one another too.
We're sure that you're aware of the importance of looking your absolute best
for the biggest public occasion of your life. Just remember that it's a long
day, so get something that you will be comfortable with for a sustained period
of cake-cutting, photograph-posing and speech-making. And yes, your wife-to-be
will want to have a say in how the principle men at her wedding look. She'd
probably blow a gasket if you selected five Showaddywaddy suits, to use a
rediculous example. But any man who surrenders the choice of what to wear at
his own wedding mustn't really have his heart in it in the first place, not to
mention what that would say to all and sundry about the lack of character in
their man of the hour!
One more thing - make sure you look better than every other man there. Most of
you will achieve this by swapping crisps for the treadmill, or by exchanging
the pub for the pool, though this need only be long enough to make a visible
difference in both your complexion and beer-gut for that all-important wedding
album you'll have kicking round the house for ever more.
Don't Dream It's Over!
There are a million other particulars, some microscopically tiny (table-cloth
patterns?!?) and some fairly sizeable indeed (wedding vows, ring selection and
church), but these are all a joint collaboration, and should fall into place if
you've approached the rest with common sense and ownership. Yes, you'll be glad
when you're on Honeymoon and the planning has all come to an end. But if you're
going to go into the entire process wanting it to be over before it's even
started, you're ignoring the positive possibilities that planning a modern
wedding can bring. Such as.. Such as.. Hang on a second. Such as..
»» Now for the good bit -
Stag Weekend Ideas