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8 Outrageous and Disgusting Hangover Cures

There is a widely documented fragile state between life and death; the hangover.

As we get older, our ability to bring ourselves back to the land of the living, gets undeniably harder. Long gone are the days of necking trebles in the only bar in town that doesn’t ID, and still waking up fresh as a daisy for school the next morning.

hungover polar bear

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Those days are over, and we know it. Therefore, as a highly rational human race, we have developed many ways to cope with the banging heads, nausea, increased sensitivity to light, shakiness, irritability and the flashbacks of calling your ex at 4am (Okay, no-one can remedy for the last one, control yourselves man).

We tend to plump for a long soak in the bath or devour a full English fry up, but over the years, the world has supplied us with much more inventive (to put it delicately) ways to cure those dreaded hangover woes.

1. Sausages with a Kick

Man saying great idea

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The Scots have given us the telephone, penicillin and the television. But this miraculous hangover cure may just be their trump card. Introducing, the mighty Irn-Bru Sausage - it’s a normal sausage made using Irn-Bru rather than water. Combating dehydration and loss of electrolytes in one satisfying bite. Whatever floats your boat, Scotland.

2. Fowl Tweetment

BIRD PLAYING ON BALL

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Think Full English Fry up, with a twist. The Ancient Romans took it to a whole new level by snacking on deep fried canaries after a night on the vino. Well, we can always blame the cat when Grandma’s beloved pet mysteriously disappears.

3. Pizzle

little girl saying no thank you

via squarespace

So, this is probably the worst thing we could possibly imagine, in the world, ever. But those crazy Sicilians are partial to a cheeky chomp on dried bull penis (pizzle) to cure their hangover woes. Now, we’re no Professors of the Penis, but we just can’t imagine the appeal.

4. Lemon or Lime in the Armpit

Puppy playing with lemon

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Puerto Rican sessioners reckon rubbing a slice of lemon/lime into the armpit of their drinking arm, will eliminate the morning after agony. With zero science to back this up(obviously), we’re sceptical at best.

5. Beverages a la Excrement

woman saying this is not a good idea

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Okay, we’re aware of ‘hair of the dog’, but those Hungarians push all manner of boundaries, by spicing up a morning after brandy with none less than a sprinkling of sparrow droppings. Shaken not stirred.

6. Buried alive

boy buried in sand

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Irish legend suggests that the ultimate hangover cure is to be buried up to your neck in wet sand. Their logical reasoning being that it replicates a cold shower. Which we must admit, begs the question, why not just have a cold shower? Oh, the Irish.

7. Don’t sweat it

man sweating

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The Native Americans were partial to a morning after run to blow away those cobwebs. Fair play, we’ve all attempted a hungover gym sesh. But here’s the catch, once they’d worked up a sweat, they then licked it straight off, in an attempt to ‘rid the body of the poison’ at a quicker rate. There really aren’t adequate words to summarise how we feel about this one.

8. Hieroglyphically speaking

man saying good idea

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The Ancient Egyptians would string chamaedaphne leaves and wear them as a necklace, in an attempt to eliminate morning after headaches. Meaning all this time we thought Tutankhamun had a sick taste in jewellery, the cheeky little scallywag was probably just hangin’. Who knew?

By

Blonde bombshell. 90s Hip Hop star. Avid fan of teacakes, flat caps and dominoes. A keen Royalist. Has been known to darn maternity pants before a large meal.

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