We all know the first dance drill – traditionally, the newly married couple take to the dancefloor and enjoy a tender slow dance (providing plenty of adorable photo opps – obvs), before being joined by their adoring guests for a good old boogie.
But not these couples, oh no. From a kickflip faux pas to martial arts mania and everything in-between – we’ve rounded up some true first dance crackers. It only felt right to share them with you lot in the hope you’ll err on the side of caution. Basically, don’t do any of these.
1. Kickflip karma
In true panto style, this cheeky duo whip the crowd into a frenzy, before abruptly ending their performance on an all-time high. Well, there’s nothing more romantic than a blow to the back of the head with a highly polished brogue.
2. Utterly thrilling
Up next, our most cringe worthy twosome (coincidentally, our personal favourite), who treat their guests to a profusion of awkward dance moves - including a clumsy Egyptian dance, a striking delivery of MJ’s classic Thriller, and an uncomfortable (and full length) rendition of the Macarena. Yep, we loved it. All 6.08 minutes of it.
3. Heyyyy, sexy lady
“Hey, you know what would make this situation more romantic – Gangnam Style” - Said no one, ever.
4. Pole dancing masterclass
Bravery and valour are, of course, attributes we admire. But these ballsy buggers really do push all manner of boundaries – by stripping off to their underpants and treating their guests to a shaky, dance-off style ‘routine’ involving themselves and a pole. Why the Groom’s trousers are undone throughout, we couldn’t say. Our poor retinas bleed.
5. Synchronised shimmy
We imagine the conversation to have gone a little bit like, “You know what would really make our wedding?” “A well-choreographed dance routine, darling?” “Why, yes, you read my thoughts exactly.” What felt like an eternity of distinctly synchronised hip twisting, booty shaking cringey chaos ensued.
6. Martial arts madness
So, after the initial “WTF is he wearing?”, we realised that the outfit was, in fact, not the lowest point of this video. Mid-slow dance, a duo of ninjas burst into shot and perform a flimsy martial arts fighting routine resulting in (luckily for the Groom) their defeat. The mind boggles.
7. Lord of the Dance
As far as first dances go, this one is the epitome of romantic. At least, until the groom adorns a bandana, appears to become possessed by a 90’s boy band reject, and invites all of the Groomsmen and Bridesmaids to join the frivolities. There’s even a bit of Riverdance thrown in here, amidst the array of shimmies, jigs and jives – Michael Flatley eat your heart out.
By Sarah Main
Blonde bombshell. 90s Hip Hop star. Avid fan of teacakes, flat caps and dominoes. A keen Royalist. Has been known to darn maternity pants before a large meal.