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Things You Don't Hear in a

The day-to-day conversation in a stag and hen party office makes for some ridiculous quotes. However, what’s more worrying is that we barely notice what we’re saying anymore. And so we’ve taken to documenting it for your entertainment – and our sanity.

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Things You Dont Hear in a normal office
"...but if you turn it anti-clockwise, that's when the magic really happens."

Do you send the inflatable perfect woman as a package or a parcel?

You get 10 free shots with your AK47.

Yeah, she's definitely attractive. No, I haven’t seen her. I don’t know. Well, you don’t really get far in that industry if you’re not attractive I suppose. I don’t know. How would I describe her? Erm, she’s just a really normal, good-looking human being.

Is everyone wearing a mullet tomorrow? If everyone’s wearing a mullet tomorrow I’ve already got one in my filing cabinet.

There’s a lot of unicorn and horse action going around at the minute isn’t there?

Is this going to fit on a grown man's head?

I don’t know the best way to describe it. They just look like a group of toddlers. Drunk toddlers. Drunk muscle-bound toddlers. With breast implants.

Where are you going?
I need to photograph some fondant-filled chocolate cocks before lunchtime.
Canny.

The Marshmallow man is on aisle Y, right next to the standard Jamaican Bobseligher

I need to speak to Will ASAP. It’s an emergency. Time is money and I’ve got a lot of questions about lederhosens.

That mask makes your hair look a bit orthodox Jew.