Things You Don't Hear in a

The day-to-day conversation in a stag and hen party office makes for some ridiculous quotes. However, what’s more worrying is that we barely notice what we’re saying anymore. And so we’ve taken to documenting it for your entertainment – and our sanity.

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Things You Dont Hear in a normal office
Head of E-Commerce, Will: "Apparently the cucumber dick isn't sticky enough, so I'm going to have to issue a refund."

This week I'll be mostly chasing up missing vibrators from the last foreplay class.

If you finish unpacking that box, I’ll just blow up The Captain

What’s the opposite of a hand grenade?

Do you think that in honour of the Eurovision we should do bearded nipples?

How are you meant to compare the size of inflatable bananas when one supplier is using the metric system?

The gimp masks have arrived, you’ll be pleased to know.

What’s your top sexiest insect?

What's happening to the man in that photo?
I think he's being milked

I don’t think that Muff-Diving Mark wants a size 12 woman’s t-shirt.

I don’t think we have a designated pimp area.

Shit, I’ve got 288 inflatable parrots. What’s the best time of year to sell inflatable parrots?