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Things You Don't Hear in a

Last Updated 05/08/2014

This started as a bit of a laugh, if we're honest. We started documenting the ludicrous conversations going on in a stag and hen company's office, partly for your entertainment - and partly for our sanity. But we didn't think we'd have this many and they're showing no signs of running out.

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We take staff training very seriously here at LNOF HQ.

What you need, is an over-arching moustache theme.

You can’t use blasphemy on the website. Don’t we sell a vicar having sex with a blow up doll? Erm… yeah okay fair enough.

What constitutes as an 'active' use of a vibrator?

What’s the opposite of arousal? That’s basically how I feel after looking at that product.

How often do you pick up the wrong flamingo?

Pin the Willy on the Midget was a roaring success, so Kiss the Midget is sure-fire winner.

Is it acceptable to refer to Where’s Wally as a sexual deviant?

Pimps didn’t get a look in after a couple of disastrous attempts.

How many fake bottoms do you want?

They’re going quite well. I’ll take 5.

We need to start selling chest hair at this company.

I can’t muster the enthusiasm for neon face paint this morning.

Does it give off the wrong impression to describe us as ‘cock connoisseurs’?

I think that ship has sailed to be honest.

Awesome. Tasty Tyrone is back in the house.