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Things You Don't Hear in a

The day-to-day conversation in a stag and hen party office makes for some ridiculous quotes. However, what’s more worrying is that we barely notice what we’re saying anymore. And so we’ve taken to documenting it for your entertainment – and our sanity.

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"It's staff training - promise."

Can I read this to you and see if you think I’m promoting obesity?

I’ve got a customer who can’t decide whether he wants to be a Ninja Sanitary Towel or a Pepperami.

I’ve hit the archery wall. Nothing more to say about archery… or is there?

Right-o, let’s sign off this massive nob.

What’s the difference between harness-zorbing and body-zorbing?

You’ll never guess how much we’ve spent on cocks this year.

Great news, guys. Ricky Martin – not THAT Ricky Martin – but a different Ricky Martin, has just made a bold gimp costume purchase.

What can we say about paragliding? Can we say pant-shittingly high?

Is it okay to describe the Adult Baby Costume as ‘creepy as balls’?

Can you take those double-headed beer bongs downstairs when you get a sec?

Aww no! Have we discontinued Grow Your Own Toyboy?

Last time I tried that I was sick in the street.