Things You Don't Hear in a

The day-to-day conversation in a stag and hen party office makes for some ridiculous quotes. However, what’s more worrying is that we barely notice what we’re saying anymore. And so we’ve taken to documenting it for your entertainment – and our sanity.

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"Alison getting her freak on"

What sort of shirt would fit over a pink gorilla?

Are you referring to Alison?

I’m just going to do a cheeky bit of sumo wrestling

I don't know how to approach cow milking

Hey guys, you know that blow-up doll that looks like Terry Wogan? I’ve just dressed him in gimp suit. You know, for Christmas.

I'm choking on a sweet cock

How long does the lesbian show last for?

I don't know, but it's not as long as the vibrator show

Have you just done the sexy oil wrestling?

Is that a space hopper?

No - it's a tandem space hopper!

I can't get that virgin's blood off my hands. I've got an important meeting in an hour, I can't shake hands like this

Are we hyphenating nip-slip?