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Things You Don't Hear in a

As expert stag and hen party planners, we’ve seen (and done) a fair few things in our time. We may look like regular office workers, but our office is far from regular… In fact, we’re documenting just some of the downright strange and, quite possibly, illegal day to day quotes that go down in LNOF HQ.

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A mirror image of a man in black with an inflatable cock around his waist

Am I correct in thinking, you’ve got the inflatable cock fighting on back order?

Adam, what do you call one of them strippers that you eat food off?

Is lesbians spelled L E S B I A N S…?

I’m going to fill the boat so full of strippers it’s going to sink

I can’t knowingly send you on an all-you-can-drink booze cruise and then send you fire breathing…

That would be very hard to organise. Nightclubs tend to frown on people taking their clothes off – whether they’re professionals being paid for it, or otherwise…

Due to his superb mediation job between erotic powerhouses ‘The Dreamboys’ and ‘The Adonis Cabaret’, Sean is, basically, the ‘United Nations of male strip shows'

Guys, how would you describe a male stripper before breakfast?

I can’t find any chickens, though.

How many gnomes should I get?

I’m starting a little willy collection on my desk.

Ah, I gave my willy collection away yesterday.

This week has just been all about dick sticks.

I'm going to go and iron these cocks.