Theoretically speaking, the job of wearing a pretty dress, scattering some rose petals, carrying a beautiful white lace wedding dress
train and getting people to dance at the reception (as well as having to drunkenly snog the best man - obligatory Maid of Honour duty)
sounds like one of the most amazing jobs you’ll ever have, right?
It's the top hat that sets it off nicely.
However, the reality of being a bridesmaid is rarely as demure and elegant. Aside from the fact that if you’re single everyone will say to
you ‘oooh, you’ll find someone special soon…’ with a sympathetic head-tilt, you’re likely to be wearing a dress that you would never have chosen in a million years that makes you feel so uncomfortable that you can barely fit in a pre-dinner canapé.
Ah, but that’s all part of the package - it’s the bride’s special day and it’s your job to make her day even more special. So you get
people onto the dance floor, you keep drunk Uncle Max away from the happy couple at all costs and you keep your gob shut if the colour of
your dress makes you look like you’re in the midst of a washed-out 2-day hangover – because under no circumstances must you commit the cardinal sin of upstaging the bride.
Then again, there’s normal bridesmaid dress issues – like needing 8 pairs of Spanx to stop you feeling like a heifer - and then there are
dresses that will ensure you’re celibate for the rest of your life, as these unfortunate photographs prove below. One look at this frocky horror show and you’ll be feeling like an angel sent from heaven in your too-tight satin-number…
The 1970s Suit
There's be no romps in the stationary cupboard in this office get-up.
There’s only so far you can use the excuse, ‘yeah, but it was the 70s’. The 1970s was an era of boho-chic, long lustrous manes and golden glows. We’d describe this look as ‘Amish folk meets air hostesses meets 1990s estate agents’. Lesson: Bridesmaids and masculine tailoring are not friends.
Sexy Silver Santa Bling
Definitely on the naughty list this year...
These lasses have got their celebratory occasions mixed up, we think. They’re going to a wedding but got confused and thought they were going to lap-dance in Santa’s grotto at a crap office party. In space. We hate it when we get those occasions mixed up.
Your Nan's Old Curtains
How do you solve a problem like... these hideous garments?
These guys put the Von Trapp children to shame. There’s so much material that only the faces of these lovely ladies remain visible amidst this rusty floral monstrosity. Complimented with a brown felt cap – working the Autumn look, ladies.
The Traffic Stoppers
If you look closely, their eyes are screaming 'help'...
Do we need to say any words? Okay, we will – Children. Versus mermaids. Mermaids won. Mermaids took loads of steroids.
Talk about overshadowing the bride.
There’s actually something quite quaint and charming about a pastel rainbow at the magical occasion that celebrates the union of two people in love. It’s the big, poufy 1980s sleeves and the discs on their heads that we can’t move past. That, and the fact that you barely notice the bride in the corner of this photo due to the mass of fabric around her.
Big Fat Gypsy Wedding
Subtle, lasses, very subtle...
Neon pink. Fishtail skirts. Glittery heart belts. Unashamedly tacky. These bridesmaid dresses are so bad they’re almost good. Hey, and if you fancy wearing them – ironically, of course – check out our Gypsy Wedding Hen Night Theme and these dresses could be yours! We spoil you, we do…