1. ‘I’ll wingman you bro.'
via Lazy Sunday Mag
‘Are you a good wingman?’ ‘Yeah, course mate, I've been with loads of lasses. I’ve got your back.' No one understands you like Dave does. He’ll sort you out with a lass, no problem.
2. ‘We should open a bar.’ 'We'll pull loads of lasses.'
There is absolutely nothing that could go wrong with this plan in any way! You and Mike would run a great bar. You drink and you go to bars, right - you’ve got all the qualifications you’ll need, son.
3. ‘I need to see the world, mate.' ‘I know, let’s go around the world! Tomorrow.’
Again, nothing at all could go wrong with this scheme. You’ve only just met Mike tonight and opened a bar in the space of an hour, but sure, go interrailing.
4. ‘Let’s just put all of this on hold, I’ve broken the seal.’
When nature calls, listen. She might have something important to say.
5. ‘You are wrong!’ ‘No, I’m not. Man U are s***, mate!’
No, he’s right and they are. It’s all about the Toon, lads.
6. *Roaring. Just roaring.*
‘We must shout loudly to assert dominance over the bar, lads.’
7. ‘See that lass over at the bar? I slept with her at uni. She’s mental.’
He didn’t. She isn’t.
8. ‘Alright mate, can I have the Hellish Inferno Pizza Challenge please?’
‘You sure, Dave?’ ‘Yeah, I can do this with my eyes closed.’ After a short trip to A&E, we’ve come to two conclusions: Dave cannot hold his drink, and you and Mike are going to make excellent pub landlords. Cheers.