- Rich black colour
- Rich with irony
- Will make you rich
So there you are, riding along on your penny farthing, your tweed jacket blowing in the breeze, your thick-rimmed spectacles framing your serious eyes, one hand holding a flat white and the other a craft beer - the other reading a Russian novel on baroque literature (you have three hands in this scenario).
You command respect for your carefully created aesthetic, and your general air of despondency is as thick and rich as your plaid shirt. But, shamefully, and despite your efforts, you shall never be acknowledged in the hipster community. And it’s not because you don’t live in a 1970s tower block in Shoreditch that has now been accepted as ironically run-down. It’s because you can’t grow a beard to save your life.
Don’t worry, gents – strap this fat beard to your face for instantly renewed social status.
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Last Night of Freedom, Statex House, Saltmeadows Road, Gateshead, NE8 3AH