LNOF FC Dominate at

Last Updated 22/05/2018

In a breathtaking display of sporting prowess, Last Night of Freedom have recently celebrated yet another victory on the pitch, with the latest in a long line of triumphs - this time, on the hallowed turf of St James' Park.

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Matt Mavir at St James' Park

Club Manager Matt Mavir surveying his domain

Following a successful season (lasting an entire 24 hours) on the rugby pitch, the mighty LNOF then turned their attentions to the world of football, securing themselves a decisive win at NUFC’s legendary home ground, St James’ Park.

Fans had the opportunity to see some of the team’s innovative new tactics for the first time, such as the patented ‘sliding-tackle-belly block’ and ‘shooting-straight-over-the-bar’. Despite the opposition at one point throwing a curveball, LNOF managed to fight back and level the scores - drawing 4-4 by full time. Last Night of Freedom then secured a solid 3-2 victory on penalties.

The valiant champions accepted their triumph with all the gentlemanly sportsmanship that you would expect from such distinguished athletes:

‘Well, you know, at the end of the day, you can only do your best and, at the end of the day, the best team won. And that was our team. We won. Because we’re the best, at the end of the day’ said coach and self-described incorrigible flirt, Sir Sean Palmer, in a post-match interview.

Scott McApline scoring a header

Incredible play

Palmer himself managed a valiant five minutes on the pitch, before becoming distracted by something shiny in the stands and taking himself off. Early reports suggest that it was either a blonde female reporter or a particularly handsome pigeon.

Man of the Match, Andrew Titmus, had an especially rewarding game, moving about the pitch in a manner that experts are describing as ‘like a blue-arsed fly’. Scott McAlpine, who bagged himself two goals, managed to keep his dinner down long enough to put away two fantastic headers – this is despite suffering an injury in training known as ‘Eating Too Much McDonalds Before a Match’.

LNOF celebrating a win at St James' Park

Could LNOF FC be unstoppable?

‘The overall athleticism and pure talent displayed by the LNOF boys will surely see them give a great performance in the coming season […] a bit like the performance I’ll give you later, sweetheart, if you know what I mean’, said Sir Sean, before absent-mindedly wandering off to find the pigeon.

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