LNOF in Amsterdam

FRIDAY - 5PM

As transfers go, you’ll struggle to stop that. And as stag and hen hotels go, the Meininger Amsterdam Amstel – one of 19 hotels we offer in the city - ticks almost every box.

Located directly next to a Metro station, it is just one brief stop from Amsterdam Central while this affordable, clean and comfortable option has everything from hangover-friendly buffet breakfasts to Mario Kart (which BTW, is superb fun at 3am).

FRIDAY - 6:30PM

A quick change and one Metro stop later, we were soon squeezing through the Trompettersteeg – which with a width of just 100cm is Amsterdam’s narrowest street – and also home to the utterly bonkers Red Light Photo Shoot.

Whips, cuffs and an array of sex toys lie waiting on a table inside one of the city’s oldest brothels, since converted into a photo studio where stags and hens dress as gimps and giant willies for one of Amsterdam’s wildest activities.

Maybe don’t whip these snaps out at the wedding in front of the new in-laws…

FRIDAY - 8PM

Feeling lightheaded from smashing foam willies off our staff’s faces, we headed to Coco’s, one of Central Amsterdam’s most vibrant boozers, to refuel.

Billed as Amsterdam’s number one sports bar, there’s a ton of TVs showing footy, MMA and rugby from around the world, with the meals mighty, meaty and as ‘gouda’ you’ll get in the city centre.

We opted for burgers stacked higher than anyone in an Amsterdam café, while there’s also ribs that look like the ones plonked on Fred Flintstone’s car.

Plus, this Aussie-themed bar might be the only place in the Lowlands where you can eat kangaroo…

FRIDAY - 9:30PM

All that talk of kangaroo made us want to go hopping – bar hopping that is - around some of Amsterdam’s legendary nightspots.

Shots in The Black Tiger, followed by pints of ridiculously tasty (and strong) craft beer in Brouwerij de Prael.

And how do you round it off? With our very own Robson and Jerome – Jake and Joe – whipping around 200 adoring fans into a frenzy with an, erm, energetic rendition of ‘Under the Bridge’ in The End Karaoke Bar.

Rest assured, Anthony Kiedis, your job isn’t at risk.

SATURDAY - 10AM

Now, as party specialists, we’ve heard of a few ways of crushing a hangover. The hair of the dog works wonders, while a fry-up can do the trick. But the best? Well, it turns out standing a few metres away from someone firing a thundering .44 Magnum really brings you back in the game.

We didn’t handle anything that ferocious (a skilled local shooter handled that hardware) but we did fire a rifle and a handgun which still gives you plenty of bang for your buck.

And don’t be spooked about shooting – this is strictly supervised, with bulky ear-defenders to prevent deafness and an expert guide to ensure you leave with all ten fingers intact.

SATURDAY - 1PM

We then swapped bullets for boats, barges and Bordeaux as we sailed down Amsterdam’s world-famous canals in what is surely one of the swankiest ways to see this stunning city.

This guided canal cruise with unlimited drinks is one of most popular packages – and it is easy to see why. Boarding near the Rijksmuseum, the scenery was as pretty as Van Gogh’s sunflowers, bringing the city to life, as our English-speaking guide filling our brains with facts – as unlimited wine filled our livers.

This was a real highlight, offering the group incredible views of the city’s stunning baroque buildings while we also had unreal, fire-cooked fresh pizzas to devour along the Dam!

SATURDAY - 3PM

After mooring on the banks of the Amstel, we checked out Amsterdam’s latest escape room – trust us, we’ve done plenty and this is a good one.

You have an hour to escape, cracking codes (thankfully in English) while there are clues hidden in every nook and cranny as you try to escape the mad clutches of Professor X.

Expect hidden rooms, brain-bending puzzles and lots of time spent panicking in a flap.

SATURDAY - 6PM

Some down time followed, but there was no chance we were going to split – so it was time to say Aloha to Amsterdam’s premier Hawaiian themed bowling experience.

No manky hot dogs here: This is bowling done properly, with delicious street food – and more mountainous burgers – coupled with classy cocktails that makes this place the pin-nacle of bowling hangouts.

We highly recommend the towering burgers – even our own resident eating machine, Jake, was impressed by the portions – and this is a cracking way to fold-in a group activity with some food before a big night out.

SATURDAY - 8PM

And how do you start a big night out in Amsterdam? Pre-drinks? Game of beer pong. Nah. The Moulin Rouge, where we were treated to a saucy show we will likely never be able to forget (even if some of us wanted too).

Named after the infamous Parisian venue, this is located in the heart of the Red-Light District, and what unfolds in here is just a tad raunchier than the can-can.

If you fancy leaving the stag a bit rouge cheeked, then there are plenty of opportunities to drag him on stage for this steamy sex show that leaves little to the imagination.

SATURDAY - 10PM

And how do you round off a weekend in the city affectionately known as Mokum to the locals? Well do what the locals love – dancing in a big, banging, bouncing Dutch nightclub.

Amsterdam is the home of Tiesto, Hardwell and Armin Van Burren and of course the spiritual home of dance music. So we finished the weekend off by partying inside Escape, a superclub in Rembrandtplein which on the weekend plays the best house music in the Netherlands and is at the centre of the city’s legendary nightlife.

The bass was booming, there were confetti cannons and tons of Dutch blokes in white shirts drenched in Grey Goose. For a city synonymous with partying, it was the perfect send-off.