LNOF in BENIDORM

September 2022

We've done plenty of travelling – but Benidorm takes some beating as the wildest stag and hen destination on Earth. From cross-dressing dwarves to a sex-crazed Darth Vader, we sampled the best activities and bars in Benidorm (and somehow lived to tell the tale).

Take a look at what we got up to with our 48hrs in Benidorm...

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THURSDAY - 4PM

It only took about 40 minutes from landing for the glorious insanity of Benidorm to reveal itself.

Bombing along a Spanish motorway at 60mph, we found ourselves necking shots of neat gin while dancing to Eifel 65 under a huge disco ball.

Our party bus airport transfer perfectly set the tone for what would unfold over three of the wildest, booziest and fun-packed days of our lives.

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, travelling on a party bus with drinks in hand
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THURSDAY - 5PM

If you've never been to Benidorm, leave your expectations at the door. As a group of Benidorm virgins, any pre-conceptions were shattered the moment we walked into our spotless Oasis Apartment base and were greeted with this view.

Moments later, cocktails in hand, we were enjoying some September sunshine sitting in the hotel's rooftop jacuzzi for two joyous hours of bubbles – in both the tub and our glasses – after our wonderful hosts for the weekend greeted us with a welcome pack (and some vital advice for how to survive the madness!)

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, at the Oasis Apartments with a jacuzzi
An illustration of a Darth Vader mask on a black background icon

THURSDAY - 9PM

Benidorm is best experienced in the flesh, so after lining our stomachs with Pinocchio's incredible selection of pizza and pasta we hit the town for a night of carnage on the Costa Blanca.

Bottle Service in Ku and enough shots to sedate a horse ended with half the group at a 3am sex show in which Darth Vader had his lightsaber sucked by Princess Leia – whilst riding a hoverboard.

Yup, welcome to Benidorm.

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, with food, bottles of alcohol and one member riding a mechanical bull
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FRIDAY - 9AM

After our accountant spent the night on a sunbed caked in kebab, breakfast at the Oasis was a muted affair. Thankfully, two hosts – Brian and Paul – were on hand to gently ease us back into the real world by showing off some of Benidorm’s best hotels and activities.

Visits to the budget-friendly Luxmar Apartments, the booming pool parties at Benidorm’s all-inclusive Celebrations and the vast, revamped Marina Four Star Hotel showed the direction Benidorm was heading – but given our accountant hadn’t eaten since his poolside kebab, we were all famished.

Three images of different hotels in Benidorm
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FRIDAY - 1PM

So a scenic drive to the cosmopolitan resort of Albir was just what the doctor ordered as we headed to Brew Rock – the home of the Bottomless Brunch package.

It was safe to say we didn’t get to the bottom of any of it, given the XXXL portion sizes left us terrified of ever seeing a burger again. But the food was exceptional, only bettered by the seaview from our table at this modern, stylish venue.

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, at Brew Rock with burgers and an amazing view
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FRIDAY - 5PM

Despite a lunch that resembled a Tudor banquet, dinner at the brand-new venue Sonder was only two hours after we finished lunch – thankfully though, for those who could only manage a main, there was another option.

The strawberry daquiri.

Sonder's daquiri is nothing short of a magical elixir. It sings on your tongue, while it resurrected even the most broken of souls from night one.

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, at Sonder with Strawberry Daiquiris and a prawn cocktail
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FRIDAY - 8PM

This also proved to be the perfect warm-up tonic for the Magic Boys, an-all male strip show that makes Magic Mike look like a Pixar film.

Even after discovering what was under Darth Vader’s cape, it still raised a few eyebrows – although it was the perfect introduction for a night in Spain’s very own sin city.

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, at Chaplin's with The Magic Boys massaging the guys' shoulders
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FRIDAY - 9PM

After sampling the one-hour of free drinking in Shamrocks Irish bar, it all – well – just spiralled into madness.

In Benidorm’s infamous Square, we were basically visited by everything your parents tried to shield you from as children. At one point, we watched a topless dominatrix whip a pensioner as a cheerleader handcuffed to a cross-dressing dwarf – apparently known locally as ‘Dangerous Brian’ – watched on.

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, at the Hippodrome with drinks and a stag handcuffed to a dwarf in front of a stripper
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FRIDAY - 11.59PM

We then watched Benidorm legend Sticky Vicky's daughter, who has inherited the, urm, family business. All of this was sandwiched between watching some of the best musical tribute acts we've ever seen – with some of the group having the honour of watching the Queen show with Sir Rod Stewart (or at least he claimed he was).

And obviously we went back to see Darth…

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, enjoying the nightlife with neon lights and tribute bands
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SATURDAY – 11.30AM

Two nights watching Princess Leia feel the power of the force meant there was room for something more wholesome in our lives. Enter go-karting, on an epic 1,000m track on the outskirts of the town. Our chariot arrived in the form of a limousine equipped with a knee-rattling soundsytem that puts most nightclubs to shame.

After a ten-minute warm up, where one of us drove like he was taking his test, the brakes came off as we absolutely bombed around the track at up to 60kmh. A spectacular first corner crash would usually be the highlight – but then one of the group pulled over to be sick, although that meant more of the delicious BBQ that followed for the rest of the group.

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, at the go karting track with helmets on and three winners celebrating on a podium
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Saturday – 3pm

There was then a dramatic change of gear as we spent the afternoon pampering ourselves at the luxurious Monaco Spa. Warm jets and steam rooms washed away the (many) impurities of the last two days in this heavenly location.

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, enjoying the spa with boho decor
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SATURDAY – 6.30PM

It left us feeling fabulously fresh for our final swansong, as we said adios to Benidorm with a huge paella and steak seafront dinner at Manila as we toasted a terrific 48 hours – before visiting the spectacular setting of Benidorm Palace for a traditional show consisting of music, dancing and comedy.

Obviously the daquiris made an appearance before we headed home to pack our bags, only to realise we still had two hours to spare before our red-eye flight back to Britain.

So we finished off in the only way we knew how - the 3am Darth Vader sex show at The Red Lion. May the force be with you!

Three images of Team LNOF in Benidorm, enjoying a huge paella and watching Benidorm Palace show

Book your Benidorm Stag or Hen experience

Fancy your own weekend of pre-wedding carnage? Benidorm is currently our most popular EU stag and hen destination, and with good reason – it is fun, hot and ridiculously cheap. For more information, visit our Benidorm guide.

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