LNOF Ladies Visit

Here at LNOF HQ, one of the many perks of the job is trying out our products - it’s a hard life, we know, but somebody’s just gotta do it (we take our research seriously). So, last week, the LNOF ladies and I donned our finest gladrags, ventured into Newcastle, got tipsy (we were more than a little nervous) and took a trip to the legendary Adonis Cabaret.

Three strippers on stage pulling their braces at Adonis Cabaret

Adonis Cabaret, hailed as ‘the show your mother warned you about… and then bought tickets for’, is a hen party paradise – featuring complimentary cocktails, saucy strip teases and, of course, naked men. Adonis Cabaret is one of our bestselling hen products and, after a raucous night of screaming women and baby-oiled muscle men, it’s easy to see why.

Three women sat down and drinking at Adonis Cabaret

The action started straight away and, as the doors were thrown open to the foyer, a scream echoed through the crowd (okay, it was just me – I’m not ashamed). Standing there, waiting to greet us and the gaggle of excitable hens was one hunky stripper - affectionately known as King Kahil (or Adam). As we stepped inside and gazed upon his beauty, we readily obliged to a picture with the man / Greek God and the fantastic drag compère, aptly named Ophelia Balls, before taking to our seats in the audience – amidst a crowd of halos, sashes, L-plates and the odd blow-up doll.

A stripper on stage in underwear at Adonis Cabaret

José, our very own waiter, arrived laden with bottles of champagne – ideal as, at this point, we were starting to get a little anxious contemplating what was in store. We had heard a rumour that the show started with a jungle-themed opening and, as the lights went down, two gorillas and a lion, all with what appeared to be giant penises, made their way down the aisle – thwacking the crowd and dry humping LNOFs Content Editor, Louise (much to her mortification and my delight), along the way.

The hairy mammals soon disrobed before our very eyes and out popped three, quite frankly, flexible firemen. Alas, nudity was not to be with this dance (teasers) and it was left to the loud and proud drag queen to calm the rowdy, oestrogen-pumped crowd with a rousing rendition of ‘I Will Survive’. And then – it was show time.

A stripper in his underwear on the stage at Adonis Cabaret

Anticipatory chatter, and the odd squeal (me again), filled the room as each stripper performed their own hilarious, outrageous and tongue-in-cheek routine, whilst dragging unsuspecting hens onto the stage. Stevie Dynamo, in full Zorro get-up, even brought out his legendary sword (it’s an actual sword, honest), poking many an audience member (Louise, again – she had an aisle seat, it was to be expected) during the energetic performance. Stevie was soon followed by a 70s disco dancer and a cowboy (it was carnage, seriously).

A stripper holding an England flag on stage at Adonis Cabaret

After a couple (or ten) glasses of champagne, we started to relax and, by the end of the strip teases, we were screaming at them to get their kit off whilst scrambling to our feet and standing on chairs attempting to get a better look at their, errr, windmilling talent.

Women screaming in the crowd at Adonis Cabaret

The performances were super fun and the men certainly know how to have a good laugh during their routines. And, as the show reached its climax (unfortunate word, I know), we stumbled out of the illicit wonderland in a dream-like state, begrudgingly returning to reality. But one thing is for sure – we will never be the same again. And, you can also get your hands on Newcastle Adonis Cabaret tickets... Score.

Us LNOF ladies posing with the Adonis Cabaret strippers

About the Author

A Yorkshire lass with an obsession with the Tudor monarchy. Used to fancy the man from Aqua. Now has a fear of the dark, hoovers and ghosts.

Alas, Lauren no longer works at LNOF, having left us to get a grown-up proper job... but we'll always remember her as a great laugh and an absolute hoodlum.

Lauren Green

Ex Content Writer

Last Updated - 24/10/2023

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