It's that time of the year again, Dawn from Accounts has brought around the tinsel brimmed hat and the present hunting begins. That's right, we’re talking about Secret Santa. This year, why not get tongues wagging with a seriously rude and inappropriate gift for your lucky recipient? And, the best part is that they'll never know it was you. You cheeky little elf.
These handly little things are not just rude, but have the uncanny ability to double up as a gift for that smelly person in the office who will hopefully take the subtle hint.
Mankini - £9.49 / Asymmetric Thong - £6.99
You quite like the bloke you’ve pulled out of the hat. Is nice! But does he have the balls to wear one of these mankinis or asymmetric thongs? You're about to find out.
Squirty Banana - £2.49
At first glance this banana seems pretty innocuous - but peel away its yellow cover and you will discover the "fruity" suprise underneath. You will no doubt be making them squirt pretty much straight away.
Naked Lady Playing Cards - £4.99
Imagine his joy when he opens his Secret Santa gift to see not only a practical gift of a card game, but a bit of eye candy on the side. Solitaire will never be the same.
Dick Head Hoopla - £11.99
Question: What’s ruder (and funnier) than strapping d*cks onto your heads and trying to throw hoops onto them? Answer: Not much, really.
Willy Eye Mask - £4.99
A handy eye mask with an additional huge willy between the eyes? Perfect. The long, straggly pubes are just an added bonus, wouldn’t you agree?
Sexy Apron with Boobs - £9.99
Take being the hostess with the mostess to another level, and bake, cook and clean in a practical apron, with sexy suspenders and 32F boobs. Nigella better watch her back.
Willy and Bum Shorts - £5.99
Imagine the look on their face when they pluck their Secret Santa gift from under the tree and are met with a lovely pair of blue shorts. The willy and bum poking out are just a bonus.
Biggest Willy in the World - £3.99
A massive d*ck is not just for Christmas, it’s for life. When you see ridiculously hot girls throwing themselves at him on your next staff night out, you’ll know he’s given them a flash of his ankle.
Willy through Head - £3.99
Frankenstein bolts through the neck are so last year. Crank it up a season with this magical optical illusion of a willy through their head.
If they’re a bit of a nerdy book worm, or just a classic hipster, give them the gift of specs appeal with a twist.
Christmas Junk on the Hunk - £6.99
Guarantee their place on the naughty list this year, with ultimate Secret Santa gift. Like pin the tail on the donkey, but involving a strapping hunk and a penis.
Every girl loves nothing more than getting home, getting her comfies on and snuggling up on the sofa. Now, add willy adorned slippers into this image. There, that’s better.
Billed as 'a bit like pie face, but with jizz', this is the ultimate hilarious party game. With the ability to 'climax' alcohol, they’ll wonder why they ever entertained any other kind of willy.
Three tiny little peckers fighting to come first, what’s not to love?
Succulent Willy Lollypop - £1.99
Why settle for a willy lollypop when you could gift a succulent willy lollipop? Strawberry flavoured, it’ll be the best thing they’ve sucked all year.
They love coffee and they love d*ck. This cheeky Secret Santa gift has got their name written all over it.
Leroy Love Doll - £9.99
She's a bit of a cheat and known for being dishonest with her men. Give her a strapping inflatable man with a big willy that she can’t let down this Christmas. Although, technically, she still can...
Willy Toothbrush - £1.99
Can we just take a moment to appreciate that this product is actually in existence? Not only that, but the willy shaped toothbrush could be filling your stocking this season. Ooh err.
Willy Hot Water Bottle - £9.99
This one is number one for a reason. *Drum roll please*. Literally the hottest thing she’s taken to bed with her in years, the willy hot water bottle is the ultimate rudest Secret Santa present. Offset by the pastel pink pubic hair, this tiny pecker will keep her company all night long.
If this extensive list wasn't enough for you, check out full range of thousands of stag do costumes and hen night accessories on our shop pages. And, don't worry if you've left your Secret Santa until the last minute - order by 4pm for next day delivery.