The Top 20 Rudest

It's that time of the year again, Dawn from Accounts has brought around the tinsel brimmed hat and the present hunting begins. That's right, we’re talking about Secret Santa. This year, why not get tongues wagging with a seriously rude and inappropriate gift for your lucky recipient? And, the best part is that they'll never know it was you. You cheeky little elf.


Willy Sponge - £1.49

Two pink and one grey willy sponge

These handly little things are not just rude, but have the uncanny ability to double up as a gift for that smelly person in the office who will hopefully take the subtle hint.


Mankini - £9.49 / Asymmetric Thong - £6.99

Three images of a man wearing a bright green mankini or an asymmetrical thong

You quite like the bloke you’ve pulled out of the hat. Is nice! But does he have the balls to wear one of these mankinis or asymmetric thongs? You're about to find out.


Squirty Banana - £2.49

A penis water gun hat is disguised as a banana

At first glance this banana seems pretty innocuous - but peel away its yellow cover and you will discover the "fruity" suprise underneath. You will no doubt be making them squirt pretty much straight away.


Naked Lady Playing Cards - £4.99

Three playing cards laid out with semi naked girls

Imagine his joy when he opens his Secret Santa gift to see not only a practical gift of a card game, but a bit of eye candy on the side. Solitaire will never be the same.


Dick Head Hoopla - £11.99

Two men playing dickhead hoopla

Question: What’s ruder (and funnier) than strapping d*cks onto your heads and trying to throw hoops onto them? Answer: Not much, really.


Willy Eye Mask - £4.99

Men wearing willy eye masks

A handy eye mask with an additional huge willy between the eyes? Perfect. The long, straggly pubes are just an added bonus, wouldn’t you agree?


Sexy Apron with Boobs - £9.99

Two aprons with boobs attached to them

Take being the hostess with the mostess to another level, and bake, cook and clean in a practical apron, with sexy suspenders and 32F boobs. Nigella better watch her back.


Willy and Bum Shorts - £5.99

A man posing wearing willy and bum shorts

Imagine the look on their face when they pluck their Secret Santa gift from under the tree and are met with a lovely pair of blue shorts. The willy and bum poking out are just a bonus.


Biggest Willy in the World - £3.99

Some pictures of the world's largest willy product in use

A massive d*ck is not just for Christmas, it’s for life. When you see ridiculously hot girls throwing themselves at him on your next staff night out, you’ll know he’s given them a flash of his ankle.


Willy through Head - £3.99

Two men wearing willy through the head products

Frankenstein bolts through the neck are so last year. Crank it up a season with this magical optical illusion of a willy through their head.


Willy Glasses - £2.99

Two men wearing willy glasses

If they’re a bit of a nerdy book worm, or just a classic hipster, give them the gift of specs appeal with a twist.


Christmas Junk on the Hunk - £6.99

Christmas Junk on the Hunk with the poster and apparatus laid out

Guarantee their place on the naughty list this year, with ultimate Secret Santa gift. Like pin the tail on the donkey, but involving a strapping hunk and a penis.


Willy Slippers - £9.99

Some novelty hen party willy slippers

Every girl loves nothing more than getting home, getting her comfies on and snuggling up on the sofa. Now, add willy adorned slippers into this image. There, that’s better.


Jizz Game - £14.99

The hen party jizz game being played and in its packaging

Billed as 'a bit like pie face, but with jizz', this is the ultimate hilarious party game. With the ability to 'climax' alcohol, they’ll wonder why they ever entertained any other kind of willy.


Racing Willies - £3.99

Four differently coloured racing willies

Three tiny little peckers fighting to come first, what’s not to love?


Succulent Willy Lollypop - £1.99

Two men wearing willy through the head products

Why settle for a willy lollypop when you could gift a succulent willy lollipop? Strawberry flavoured, it’ll be the best thing they’ve sucked all year.


Penis Mug - £3.99

A mug with a penis as the handle

They love coffee and they love d*ck. This cheeky Secret Santa gift has got their name written all over it.


Leroy Love Doll - £9.99

A big blown up male doll with his willy out

She's a bit of a cheat and known for being dishonest with her men. Give her a strapping inflatable man with a big willy that she can’t let down this Christmas. Although, technically, she still can...


Willy Toothbrush - £1.99

A toothbrush in the shape of a willy against a white background

Can we just take a moment to appreciate that this product is actually in existence? Not only that, but the willy shaped toothbrush could be filling your stocking this season. Ooh err.


Willy Hot Water Bottle - £9.99

Two men wearing willy through the head products

This one is number one for a reason. *Drum roll please*. Literally the hottest thing she’s taken to bed with her in years, the willy hot water bottle is the ultimate rudest Secret Santa present. Offset by the pastel pink pubic hair, this tiny pecker will keep her company all night long.

Last Updated - 16/01/2019

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