Things You Don't Hear in a Normal Office #5

Do you think this would fit in someone's bra? One of our hip flasks - it depends on the bra, really.

It took me a while to get into the owl zone, but once I was there, everything fell into place. Oooh, we have a real hoot here at LNOF.

Right. Headphones in. I need to switch off from everything and take myself into lesbian mode, I'll be back in the room in a few minutes. We're very method when it comes to our content writing, even if we are writing about Benidorm's lesbian shows.

Is 'man wang' hyphenated? We decided that yes, it was.

We've had whips and cuffs since day one. Grow up. And you think that's bad? Check out our gimp costume.

Dick-flops have landed today. One small step for man, one giant leap for a... Dick Flop. (They're willy-shaped flip-flops for those not in the know. Which is most people.)

I must have some more stiffy-related bantz.

I don't know. I think after a certain amount of time, my well of erection-based puns has run dry. Well, quite.

What can we say about paragliding? Can we say pant-shittingly high?
Probably not.

You've got to remember that you're not just browsing the internet - you're specifically looking for a fanny costume. Head of E-Commerce, Will, getting into the mindset of our customers.

Hey, ladies... we've got some scented owls over here... Will knows what ladies like.

For this insurance policy, I need to state whether we sell any protective items. Do you reckon I need to include our rubber johnnies? Probably not - we don't think small pecker condoms count as birth control. That's also probably not what the insurance company meant.

We get some really classy hens coming to us.

Do you think they'll want to get involved with anything that has a 'beasting station'? We would imagine so.

I'm really sick of tits. I'm even bored of my own. Our wide range of steak and tits packages were taking their toll that day.

There's no import taxation precedent for penis-shaped flip-flops. Well, there isn't.