Things You Don't Hear in a

As expert stag and hen party planners, we’ve seen (and done) a fair few things in our time. We may look like regular office workers, but our office is far from regular… In fact, we’re documenting just some of the downright strange and, quite possibly, illegal day to day quotes that go down in LNOF HQ.

A mirror image of a man in black with an inflatable cock around his waist

  • "Am I correct in thinking, you’ve got the inflatable cock fighting on back order?"
  • We did, don't panic. And, here's your very own inflatable cock fighting pack
  • "Adam, what do you call one of them strippers that you eat food off?"
  • There's a question we certainly know the answer to. That would be our erotic dining activity, lads
  • "Is lesbians spelled L E S B I A N S…?"
  • We aren’t just any stag and hen party planners; we are Newcastle Spelling Bee 2016 Champions stag and hen party planners
  • I’m going to fill the boat so full of strippers it’s going to sink""
  • We’re not ones to brag, but we will...
  • "I can’t knowingly send you on an all-you-can-drink booze cruise and then send you fire breathing…"
  • Health and safety first. Always
  • "That would be very hard to organise. Nightclubs tend to frown on people taking their clothes off – whether they’re professionals being paid for it, or otherwise…"
  • This is not the time or the place to divulge what they asked us to organise. But, if you take one thing from this - try and keep your kit on in a nice place. Peace
  • "Due to his superb mediation job between erotic powerhouses ‘The Dreamboys’ and ‘The Adonis Cabaret’, Sean is, basically, the ‘United Nations of male strip shows'"
  • We only employ those with a seriously wide knowledge of male strip shows…
  • "Guys, how would you describe a male stripper before breakfast?"
  • A morning glory. Well, as long as he was invited…
  • "I can’t find any chickens, though"
  • Hunting down Carry Me Chicken costumes - the story of our lives
  • "How many gnomes should I get?"
  • You can never have enough gnomes, surely?
  • "I’m starting a little willy collection on my desk" "Ah, I gave my willy collection away yesterday"
  • Big up to the little willies
  • "This week has just been all about dick stick"
  • Straight from Laura's, our resident Graphic Designer, mouth after photographing one too many of our phallic products
  • "I'm going to go and iron these cocks"
  • They were on the wrinkly side

Last Updated - 14/08/2023

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