This woman is super helpful… and a massive headache. In fact, you feel like you’ve known her all your life due to the Whatsapps, Facebook messages, Snapchats, phonecalls, texts, emails and faxes of every fine detail of the hen do – including curfews. It’s not an easy task, but somebody has to do it – and her strong shoulders were built for shepherding the Bride into the taxi at 4am.
The Awkward School Friend
No one really knows her name, or even who she is – but she’s there, just lurking in the corner like your weird Uncle Nigel. Occasionally, she’ll chirp in with stories about that time the Bride dumped Jack White from the year above for Tom Littlewood, and the whole school was turned upside down – but other than that, you’ll not hear a peep. Then she’ll disappear in the middle of the night, never to be seen again…
The Emotional Wreck
A hen do is an emotional rollercoaster – the Bride is getting married and starting a beautiful journey with her Groom-to-Be, and this woman is still single. She is going to turn this into a giant sob fest. But, stay strong singles of the hen weekend – you could do a lot worse than a relationship with Netflix.
A Lawyer by day, uncontrollable flirt by night. Her favourite subject is men. She may be here under the guise of ‘loving friend’, but we all know what she’s really here for – the complimentary nibbles. And, she’s going to sport an unholy amount of penises on the hen do, and single-handedly keep the hen party industry in business for the next year. Get ready, ladies – this woman is going to cut loose.
The poor Bride doesn’t know what she’s getting herself into with this Boozehound. She’ll force feed her shots to really get her in the ‘party mood’ – and don’t think you’re escaping her plan of attack. Jager trains, flaming sambucas, vodka via IV drip – she’s doing it all, and you’re on the ride with her. Good luck.
The Bad Influence
She’s the giant can of petrol to the hen party fire. This woman will ensure the hen weekend is absolute carnage. She is a woman of extremes – she won’t settle for the one shot, when she can have ten. And, she can’t just have a night out – she’ll get arrested. But, without her, the hen weekend memories would never be the same.
The Older Reveller
She’s 60 and fabulous. Maybe a little too fabulous for this hen do… she hasn't been on a ‘big night out’ in a decade, and she intends to show the world what they have been missing. And, one thing’s for sure – you can always count on her to be the first one attempting to do the Macarena in the dancehalls, or whatever the kids call the clubs these days.
One shot is all it takes – and she’s on the floor. She rarely drinks (a wise move), but when she does – you know about it. You’ll spend several hours propping her up at the bar, ordering the bartenders not to serve her, and bundling her in a taxi at 9pm. There’s a reason you’ve never seen her at the Bride’s previous celebrations, and that tactical chunder and slight black out at 6pm is exactly why…
A hen do with this woman is seriously intense. A foghorn with a face, if you will. She’ll ‘crack on’ with the bouncers (although, she’s actually just being offensive), share her life story with the toilet attendant and get into a fight down Caroline Street. Whilst a hen weekend without her may be quieter, it would be a hell of a lot less fun – and for that, we salute her.